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QaR
July 2009 
Inner child?
Posted on Feb 9th, 2009
by 
TextMage
TextMage
So often I hear about nurturing my inner-child and that child is always described as this free-love hippie child who just wants to have FUN and to be loved.
I know that I have a child like that inside; I communcate with him/her all the tim, but I have another inner-child as well . . .
I have an inner-child who was badly abused and survived, who stood-up and came back over, and over, and over again. I have an inner-child who never quit, despite overwhelming odds that would have sobered any Marine.
He is a tough, mean, little mother-fucker, excuse MY language, that no one is ever gonna beat, or take advantage of again. He is not reasonable about ANY standard of abuse. He allows no exceptions, no matter how slight, matter-of-fact, sometimes, IF He even thinks someone might possibly abuse Him, or take advantage of Him, He throws out the first punch. He is a kick-ass little fucker who is no longer permitted to be out-of-control. His survival is JOB one.
But once his survival-needs are met . . .
He is also infinitely patient, accepting, and supportive. He is a crystal-clear pool of love without a bottom. He regular risked His life to save, or to help Others. He found ways to feed and to shelter Hisself and His siblings before He was old enough to go to skol. He is tenacious, long-suffering, and noble without measure. He is curious, insightful and sensitive. He lives in compassion. He is generous; He gives everything away without thought to His own needs.
Because He is no longer needy, so He has the luxury to do these things.
I know that I have a child like that inside; I communcate with him/her all the tim, but I have another inner-child as well . . .
I have an inner-child who was badly abused and survived, who stood-up and came back over, and over, and over again. I have an inner-child who never quit, despite overwhelming odds that would have sobered any Marine.
He is a tough, mean, little mother-fucker, excuse MY language, that no one is ever gonna beat, or take advantage of again. He is not reasonable about ANY standard of abuse. He allows no exceptions, no matter how slight, matter-of-fact, sometimes, IF He even thinks someone might possibly abuse Him, or take advantage of Him, He throws out the first punch. He is a kick-ass little fucker who is no longer permitted to be out-of-control. His survival is JOB one.
But once his survival-needs are met . . .
He is also infinitely patient, accepting, and supportive. He is a crystal-clear pool of love without a bottom. He regular risked His life to save, or to help Others. He found ways to feed and to shelter Hisself and His siblings before He was old enough to go to skol. He is tenacious, long-suffering, and noble without measure. He is curious, insightful and sensitive. He lives in compassion. He is generous; He gives everything away without thought to His own needs.
Because He is no longer needy, so He has the luxury to do these things.
Access: Public
beautiful. i got an inner child like that, too.
but i was so much older then, i’m younger than that now…
thanks richard!!
x
Aww, Stace, ya got me crying over here.
It wasn’t until I posted that I began to think that this post might affect some folks viscerally, rather than some other place. Usually my posts just seem to be a pain in the ass, but this one, when I thought about it, seemed real and universal, at least for survivors and those still hurting.
I’m way past all that now too; at least as far past as I can ever get, but for those of you aren’t past that place, contact me:
You really can come by my house. MY wife and MY fifteen year-old son both have the power to heal and the composure and information to welcome you.
thanks for this.
RicaHARD, I was not abused as a child. So this post doesn’t hit me quite so viserally. You know that I tried my hand at being an elementary school teacher until it became patently obivious that’s not the job for me. I very much like being around children. They always have so much to teach me.
I sure agree with you how so often “I love children” goes hand in hand with a narrow idea of what kids are like. Your insights about yourself are so true and it would be great if more people understood that children’s lives are bigger than we often expect.
Having children in your care is sometimes scary. There’s the whole saftey issue and making sure they are lost on your watch. But scary too because children are tough, and really scary is a mob of toughs.
So then you proceed to name some of your noble attributes. Such attributes are obvious even about the kids in the scariest mobs.
Even though I wasn’t a good teacher, I’m very happy to have trod down that path. One of the great things is to discover is there’s no one “type” of great teacher. There are shy ones and super extroverted ones, young ones and old ones; everyone seems to have a unique style too. What they have in common is their ability to help children be their best selves, to be who they really are.
You’ve got a great tool box full of tools and I know you know how to use them.
I have come to think that I have healed… and for the most part this is true. Still when face-to-face with true and honorable tough-child-survival. I am back there in a second - for a moment everything moves slow. Then I remember, I am safe now. To our tough-child and our compassion for self and others. Thanks for your post richard and I am glad you chose to post every word:)
Thankx, Terrill,
Sometimes I think that there is a tough inner-child in everyone, even those who weren’t abused and never got to know the tough kid inside them.
When I was young, say nine-to-twelve, I read all kinds of books about survival, POW escapes and the Nazi concentration camps. I always saw that kids in those books were able to survive, what I then thought, were even worse circumstances than my own; those books gave me a lot of hope and insight.
Online, and in a long Twelve-Step career, I’ve met lots of survivors and without exception, all of those folks have given me hope and insight as well. I include you in that number, Terrill. Thankx again and much love, RicH
Honoured to be part of your community and to be part of what creates hope and insight… and possibility for a better world. All the best Terrill