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July 2009 
What question do you believe is unanswerable?
Posted on Oct 14th, 2007
by 
TextMage
TextMage
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for October 13, 2007:
Have I done right by not seeing my older children since their Mother took them to OhiO in 1997, instead of escalating things more?
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what is your heart telling you? sounds to me it was her decision, but they are your kids, too. what is in their best interests?
A couple months ago, April actually, just around my birthday. MY second son, Jorden, who is twenty-two, sent me an angry letter, wanting me to apologize to pretty much everyone, except him. I sent back a letter that I thought was pretty open and welcoming, but I haven't heard anthing since. My heart tells me to make haste slowly.
I don't know the details of the situation, I don't even know half the story. But if I were sent such a passive-aggressive email, from anyone, kin or not, I'd be hopping mad! He demands you to apologize? He has no notion of what an apology is, then. He's trying to pick a fight. Sure, he's angry. Who, at his age, was not angry with their parents, I wanna know? It's really tough when you realize for the first time ever that your parents are human and that they do make mistakes, especially if you have the sort of parents, like I did, that would never admit they were wrong about anything, ever. It totally screws up your perspective on the world. And if he's thinking about starting a family, he's going to look to you and his mother for all the things not to do with his kids. It's nothing personal, really, it's what we all do, we try to do a little bit better for our own kids than our parents did for us.
I quickly saw how angry he was, but I was not “hopping mad.” I was hardly angry at all. One or two things rose to the level of irritating, but I also felt two things: One he has a right to be as mad and resentful as he wants to be. I am not talking about letting him take his anger out on me, but I can let another person vent. Secondly, I liked his taking the chance to step up. He didn't know what kind of response he would get, but he still hung it our there. I'm glad he has that kind of strength. I miss ALL MY children, but Jorden was always special to me.
I tend to react rather strongly whenever anyone tells me I should do something, even if they are right. ;-) at this point, after this much time, any communication is probably a good sign.
That's what I thought too. I thought Jorden did real good to reach out. I hope he doesn't wait another ten years, but I will be here IF he does and still ready to treat him like the Prodigal.